FULL-TIME BUM

meghantonjes:

faginabox:

Here’s what he says about his perfect woman — ” [she] must love decorating for holidays, mischief, kissing in cars, and wind chimes. no specific height, weight, hair color, or political affiliation required but would prefer a warm spirited non racist. cynics, critics, pessimists, and “stick in the muds” need not apply. voluptuous figures a plus. any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to mary poppins, claire huxtable, snow white, or elvira wholeheartedly welcomed. i am dubious of actresses, fellons and lesbians but dont want to rule them out entirely. must be tolerant of whistling, tickle torture, james taylor, and sleeping late. i have a slight limp, eerily soft hands, and a preternatural love of autumn. i once misinterpreted being called a coal-eyed dandy as a compliment when it was intended as an insult. i wiggle my feet in my sleep, am scared of the dark, and think the Muppets Christmas Carol is one of the greatest films of all time. all i want is butterfly kisses in the morning, peanut butter sandwiches shaped like a heart, and to make you smile until it hurts.”
Why is he perfect? 

yeah he is kind of adorable.

come over here honey and i’ll marry you

(Source: dailydoseosnark)

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   So where do I get in line for mine? Can more humans be just like this? Please? I can assist in the procreative process,...

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    He already makes me smile until it hurts. Why aren’t all men this adorably kooky? He’s the perfect gentleman.

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